"If I Could Take This Moment Back" TTW 9/10 [Tag: Jessica]

[Kim Anderson]

The ginger girl was sitting alone on the bathroom floor, knees to her chin, hiding her face with the wet hair. The room was silent; Noah has already fallen asleep in the room while Kim just got out of shower and was supposed to return there shortly as well but alas she didn't. She didn't want to sleep. To eat. She barely forced herself to take care of her body. Sawyer was gone. Was she still in the brown room? Nobody knows.

The girl rose her head and leaned it on the wall behind her. She was staring at the ceiling again. Breathing. Listening to... Nothing. The room was silent. And she used to love silence. But now it was unbearable. Suffocating. Kim squinted her eyes, her lips quivering in disbelief. Why they were here? What is this place? Where is Sawyer?! And...

"Jess," she whispered with her lips. Poor Jessica. Where are you? It feels like it's been weeks and she didn't hear anything about her. Kim remembered the last night they hang out together. Laughing, playing games, just being happy. Together. It feels like it was just yesterday... and now it's all gone. And all because of her. If only she didn't make Jess stay up so late. If only she didn't let her go. Nothing would have happened. Both her and Sawyer would be fine. If only-

"What if that's the last time we ever talked?" Kim whispered to oneself and let out a big sigh. She looked down on the floor again, blinking twice, feeling her heart race. This silence was getting on her nerves. "Fuck," she swore under her breath, feeling the shiver down her spine. What would her friends do? "Sawyer would definitely smash a wall and force her way out of here," the ginger thought and let out a soft chuckle. And... what would Jessica do?

Kim closed her eyes in thought. Then a soft smile curved up her lips, she opened her mouth... and sang. "When I let her walk away? What if I had spoke instead?" she started softly, almost whispering. "Why did I go on concealing, The confusion I was feeling?" her voice still faint with each note was getting stronger, echoing from the naked walls of the bathroom.

"If I could take that moment back, if she were here beside me still," she rose her head and sang wholeheartedly, she remembered the lyrics clearly, but... she also realized she couldn't go on singing as she felt a treacherous lump forming in her throat. "I'd let h- see inside my heart," she started to choke and became quieter again, tears slowly running down her cheeks.

"Now she never will," she finished, brushing the pesky tears away and burring her head once again in her knees. She took one more deep breath. It was so hard not to give in to this suffocating silence. She will try. She will not be silenced. She will be strong. For Sawyer. For Jess.

[OFF: Here is a link to the song for those who are curious]

[Jessica Fleming]

Jessica was in her room, all alone. The camera was watching her, but this time she did not risk to cover it, especially considering that she was not in the bathroom right now, but Evan was. In any case, the girl began to doubt if there was any point in it. How could she care about such bare necessities as privacy while she was trapped here without any answers?

Jess was sitting on the bed, sinking in her gloomy thoughts. That was why she hated to be on her own, especially in the room where were any distractions. The old magazine was not the best option for the escapist, and Jess believed that she had learned its content by heart.

Jessica tried to whisk away dark thoughts but suddenly froze up. She heard the voice. The girl turned hear head in the direction of the sound and listened close.

It cannot be...

Jessica laughed sadly. She began to lose her mind. Hearing voices is the first step to madness, it is a well-known fact. Especially... this voice. Kim... Was she really right next wall to her? The huge relief fell on her but it did not last for long. It was just too good to be true...

However, the voice did not go silent even though, according to all horror cliches it had to. So maybe... it was not a hallucination of her inflamed mind after all? Jessica rushed to the wall and put her ear close to it. These words... it was a song from Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure animated series that Jessica has known so well. Even though she always preferred Ready As I'll Ever Be... mostly because If I Could Take This Moment Back always made her too sad, so she could not listen to it over and over without crying. It was one of those beautiful songs that you listened to when you're upset because it helps to reveal your hidden emotions. This song reminded her about Kim and how they were almost cried when they watched this episode together, sharing the blanket. 

Jessica begin to knock, as passionately as she could. And not just knock, she knocked according to the following melody. "Maybe if I gave her time" whispered Jessica without making sound. "Maybe if I didn't go..." she was crying, while her fingers were stubbornly knocking. The memories were too strong and sweet what made them painful in this particular moment. Jess had to spend that night in Kim's house, why she decided to go away that day?
"Maybe things somehow would change, but now I guess we'll never know..." of course she could be kidnapped in a different day but it was so unlikely! Jessica could not forgive herself for the stupid decision that she had made. Now her best friends were in danger because of her.

"If I could take that moment back..." Jessica stopped knocking and moving her lips. She was crying too hard to continue. Of course, the girl was happy to finally hear Kim's voice, to know that she was okay but... It was all her fault and any knocking could show how sorry Jessica was.

[Kim Anderson]

The girl jumped in fear when she heard a pattern of knocks after she finished a verse from the song. And it wasn't just a random pattern! It was a rhythm. A rhythm from the song she sang! "Oh, shit," Kim swore under her breath, her cheeks flashing rose red. The thought of somebody hearing her sing made her feel uneasy...

And the next moment Kim knitted her eyebrows in anger and at her self, brushing those idiotic thoughts away. "It doesn't matter now, you dumbass! Chill your ADD ass and stay focused!" she scolded herself inwardly and brought her focus back to the bathroom wall.

Whoever was behind it knew the song, good good good. ... Now what? Perhaps, it's a good time to... introduce oneself?

"Hello!" she started simple, her tone of voice calm but still with some worrisome notes in it. "Who's there?" she turned around, facing knocking, her fingers gently caressing the cold surface of the walls.

"Jessica?!" she asked with hope in her voice. Of course, she might be wrong; this song could have been recognized by literally anybody who watched the show. It was not a classic yet for sure, but, still, a good modern show that got quite a following... so maybe they are just a fan too?

But there is always hope.

"Jess is that you?!"

[Jessica Fleming]

When Kim asked who was behind the wall, Jessica began to knock as hard as she could. Her fear, anxious, longing, self-loathness gave her strength and boost of energy, so it seemed that she will never stop. The girl put all her despair and frustration in this knocking, while bitter tears were dripping down her cheeks. All this madness was caused by one simple thought: what if Kim, her dearest and closest friend, won't recognize her? What if she will think that it is some creep behind the wall who just scares her by knocking the song and then making these loud noises?

For some moment she stopped, hearing only Kim's voice, her own heartbeat, and heavy breathing. The girl almost lied on this damn cold wall that separated her from her BFF. Kim... cool, smart Kim guessed that it was Jessica, but how could she confirm that it was really she? The girl could just knock... why Jessica has not cherished her voice when she had it?

Jess closed her eyes and dried her tears. She should come up with something quick, otherwise, Kim will go away and who knows if Jessica ever... stop. Stop these negative thoughts. Breath.

Knock-knock-knock.

Just three gentle knocks, filled with hope. She was helpless. It was all that she could do. Jessica still hoped that Kim will say something like "Let's consider 3 knocks mean “yes”, while 2 knocks mean “no”. And if not...

Jessica swallowed and then shook her head, filling with determination. No, it won't be goodbye. Friends never say goodbye. Even if Kim won't recognize her, the girl will ask Evan to tell her.

But... it won't be necessary. Her friend has solved half of the riddle already and the magic of friendship will do the rest. Kim's heart will tell her the right answer, Jess has not doubted that.

[Kim Anderson]

"Jess?!!" the ginger girl jolted from the wall in confusion when the knocking rapidly rose. Was it truly her? Or maybe it's just a coincidence that the person behind the wall couldn't talk too? "Please, calm down everything is okay!" she tried to assure the person behind the wall, pressing her hand once again against it.

...Wait!
Oh, no.

What if they are hurt?! What if they are tied up and that's why they can't speak?! Shit. Shit! SHIT! Kim started to look up and down all around her in hope to get a peek behind the stone wall. She realized she can't do much but the shock or panic that another human might be in danger made her think irrationally. If only there was a way to break this fucking wall down! Maybe there was a crack or a hole or anything that could help?!

So when the girl was about to leave the bathroom to check the adjacent wall in the room, where Noah slept... the knocking stopped. "Are, are you alright?" she asked the stranger behind the wall again cautiously. And then the three knocks followed.

Three knocks? What does this mean? "Oh, oh, oh! Hold on! I got it!" Kim finally came to a somewhat reasonable conclusion on how to communicate with the mute person. "Okay, okay, okay," she mumbled, thinking how to word herself properly, "If you are okay, please, knock once! If you are hurt - three times!!"

She bit her lip, knitting her eyebrows, in anxiety, when she's decided to ask another request: "And if you are Jessica, please, knock three times again!!"

"So if they are Jessica and she is alright there will be 4 knocks if it's not Jessica and they are hurt - three. If they are okay and not Jessica - one. If they are hurt and they are Jessica... which I hope is not the case... 6 times. Correct? Oh, God, fuck math!" Kim counted inwardly, ready to hear the incoming knocks. But this was better than nothing, right? A crack though could still help. If only she had a pen or pencil of some sort she would tear a page out of one of those useless books and they could exchange messages!.. If only they ain't tired up, of course.

[Jessica Fleming]

"Yes! That's me! I'm Jess!" Jessica internally screamed, but in reality, she was just moving her lips. Kim asked her to calm down but Jess could barely hear her. How could she calm down? Kim told her that everything was okay but it was definitely not. Their kidnapping was not okay, their imprisonment was not okay and the fact that Jessica was not able even to say that she was here was obviously not okay.

However, Jessica eventually stopped knocking and Kim asked if she was alright. Well... she was feeling better now and could think more rationally. These gentle knocks helped Kim to ask the right questions and that was a load off her mind. Jessica could not but smile. Now everything should be fine. She knocked once, as Kim had asked, luckily Jess really was not hurt, as well as her friend. At least, Jessica hoped so.

And finally, the question that could solve the mystery. Jessica knocked three times and these knocks were the most pleasant in her life. Jess had so many questions for Kim. Was she okay too, has she played other "games", what should they do... However, probably there was an easier way for communication than playing yes/no puzzles. If only there was some crack in the wall, so Jess could write notes!

[Jessica makes a perception check to find a crack in the wall and it seems that Kim is helping her]

[Madge Baker]

PERCEPTION CHECK: Jessica makes a perception check to find a crack in the wall and it seems that Kim is helping her.

RESULT: 7 - After a close examination Jessica came to the conclusion that there were no kinds of crack or holes on this side of the wall, nor did her friend on the other side. So Kim has left the bathroom, while Jessica moved along it towards the window. After taking a few more of patting the wall steps - she finally reached the end and has found exactly what she was looking for! About 1,5 cms crack between two walls in the corner was perfect to pass messages or tiny items!

[Kim Anderson]

"JESSICA!" Kim wanted to scream back when she heard one knock followed by three more but kept silent. It would be rude to wake up Noah like this, the man needed his rest. But she was so happy to know it was Jessica and she wasn't hurt or tied up or anything worse!

"Jessica, it's you! Oh, thank god, I am so happy you are alright!" she patted the wall gently, tears dwelling in her eyes, from both happiness she experienced, knowing her friend is safe... and all the anxiety and fear building up in her for all those days. And now it almost felt like home. Almost. If only she could take a look... just for a second! She wanted to look at her, to hold her close, to gaze into her emerald green eyes, to stay by her side and make her feel safe again. Even if it only lasts for a moment.

So Kim kept looking around the bathroom, hoping to take a peek behind the wall. After about half a second of rapid searching Kim's attention deficit disorder kicked in and she said: "Jess, I will be right back! I just need to find something! Hold on!" And she walked out of the bathroom, carefully inspecting the wall for any cracks or "secret safes" knocking on the wall gently. Maybe she can find something under the wallpaper? Who the fuck knows. This place is so fucked up, anything can happen at any moment.

[Jessica Fleming]

Jessica has cried once again, but this time there were tears of joy. Kim now knew that it was her, and the whole thought of it was warming Jessica's tender heart. Tears of pain, tears of joy, one thing nothing could destroy. It was the feeling, deep inside, that they were together with Kim, they were one.

"I am happy that you are safe too, Kim" Jessica was moving her lips without making a sound, touching the wall. "I was worrying sick..."

When Jessica heard that Kim was leaving her, she knocked on the wall once in protest and eventually decided to make the waiting process more useful. She was carefully examining the wall but ironically it was useless. Why the builder was so good? They should predict that their building will be used for such inhuman purposes and provide the opportunity to easily break the damn wall!

But Jessica did not want to give up so easily. She moved towards the window and when she reached the corner she has found what she (Kim too, but still) was looking for. The crack, the precious crack was here, and Jessica knocked persistently aggressively again, drawing Kim's attention. After that, she rushed to her magazine, torn one page, and began to write. Her handwriting was worse than usual due to her nervousness but still recognizable.

"Kim, sunshine, thank gods you're safe. I've missed you so much, I cannot even say how. Please, tell me that you were not forced to play these cruel games, I'm so worrying!" finishing writing Jessica suddenly stopped. There was one way to keep Kim safe, to protect her... neglecting her own safety.

Jessica closed her eyes, filling with determination. All her hopes and dreams gave me the strength to be here and to do what had to be done. The girl valued her Needle for sure, but it was nothing comparing how much she cherished her best friend. So Jessica added the following:

"I want you to have it. Please, use this Needle to protect yourself. Stick them with a pointy end." then Jessica rolled the paper around her knitting needle and pushed it through the hall, turning the pointing end to her side. Jessica did not want Kim to get hurt.

[Kim Anderson]

A string of aggressive knocking from the other side of the wall made Kim's head turn towards the far corner of the room. So Jess also moved along it just like her! By the way - that was a smart move! Together they could indeed cover more ground. Oh, hold on... Shit. She should have told Jess what she was looking for, maybe together they w-

And then she saw movement. "What the-" Kim walked a few steps closer towards the corner of the room to see that something was poking out of the wall. "Oh, shit, Jessica! You genius!" the ginger smiled in glee when she realized that her dear friend has actually found what she was looking for - a crack in the wall to pass messages. Strangely besides a piece of paper Kim also noticed something else... a knitting needle?

With a question in her eyes, the woman took both the needle and the note, that she rolled up to read immediately. Her heart melted when her eyes started moving along the text. "I was worried sick too," she replied, smiling wide, but her voice cracking a bit under the mix of anxiety and bliss. How could she stay so pure in a place like this?

Kim rubbed away the pesky tears and continued reading. The moment she got to the part about the Needle, she rose her head and returned the reference. "I know what point to use!" she giggled playfully but then her face changed and she asked her friend cautiously: "But seriously,... Are you sure about this?" A "weapon like this could indeed come in handy at one point. "I- Thank you," she finally accepted Jessica's decision. With a soft smile Kim passed the note back, so Jessica had still something to write on and hid the needle in her converse boots, making sure it won't fall out of it by fixating the top that was sticking out of the boot under her leggings.

"I so so missed you, Jess," Kim leaned towards the wall, her forehead touching it's cold surface. "Are you alone? I was with Sawyer last time! She- She is fine!! At least she was... until we- we got separated. And my new roommate, I- He is a man called Noah!.. " she looked back at the sleeping STILL on the floor Mr. Hernandez. Oh, what a stubborn man he was!

"He seems nice," she finished her bubbling with a small chuckle. She was indeed gratufull to be roomed with somebody like Noah. Even though he was still a sranger to her, he seemed like a decent human and she felt that she could trust him.

[Jessica Fleming]

Jessica shyly smiled. She was addicted to compliments, especially regarding her intellectual skills, since it was not her strongest side. However, her imaginative mind fed by a tremendous amount of stories from games and anime sometimes came with creative solutions. So yes. She was an unrecognized genius.

Kim's voice was calming, reassuring, and warming her heart. The girl continued to smile, and it probably was the happiest moment after her imprisonment. They just talked, just like old times, the only difference was the wall, as if it was some silly game. Everything here felt so... unreal.

Overall, Jess was glad that Kim was here and okay. The girl silently laughed at her response. Dear Kim, she always gets the references, even though Jessica usually uses them unintentionally.

The girl nodded and only then realized that Kim could not see her so when she returned the page of the magazine "Art of the Dress", Jess wrote:

"I am sure about this as hell. I will not forgive myself if I don't do my best to protect you. When Geoff shot you, I... I still have nightmares about it."

Jess was touching the wall too, imagining that it was Kim's shoulder. The girl sighed with relief when she heard that Kim was with Sawyer and she was okay.

"You're lucky! I hope to see Sawyer soon, I miss her. My roommate was a girl named Emmy and she was the worst! Like, she just was very uncomfortable around me because of my... voice and we had a fight because she believes that Geoff is an ally of the kidnapper, can you imagine? I defended him and she pushed me away."

That was the shortest description of the situation that she could think about. Kim also mentioned Noah and Jessica had something to write about him.

"I like Noah. He was with Geoff in the same room and he wanted all of us to stick together, instead of fighting."

Jess realized that is was her turn to describe her roommate and she blushed from a single thought of it.

"My roomie is Evan. He is an investigator and the sweetest guy in the world. He could be a paladin, so nice and gentle he is. I feel safe in this room with Evan even though I barely know him"

Finishing her notes, Jessica returned the page to Kim. How convenient that this magazine was about handicrafts! The dress patterns have so much space to write on!

[Kim Anderson]

The woman was eagerly waiting for the new message to arrive, but, unfortunately, the few first lines she saw did bring her mood down. Kim looked down at her chest, instinctively clenching her fist around the fabric of the white singlet. What if the bullet was real? Why didn't he do anything? Why when she shouted at him - he just jumped on this opportunity and "shot" her? Didn't she mean anything to him? Was she just a replaceable bystander in his life?

The young woman took a little pause before continuing to read and replying to Jessica's message. She didn't want her friend to be worried even more about her, so her inner trials remained inner, at least for today. Today was different. Today they can pretend that everything is alright. If only this moment could last forever. If only she could crush those walls down. If only she could never let her go again. If only-

"Oh, you are so kind AND brave to defend Geoff, Jessica," Kim replied to the latter part of the message with a sad smile, "I am so proud of you!"

Could she do the same? She was still unsure about where she stood in this argument. She didn't want to blame Geoff, he, of course, was forced to be in this position, but at the same time, it was not easy for her to forgive him. It was a complicated subject she definitely was not ready to discuss, even with one of her closest friends.

"And I am sure you will see Swayer soon!" so she switched the topic back to one of their mutual friends. "I hope she is alright," she added with concern in her voice. This place could not help but give her the creeps and this constant feeling of uncertainty.

Brushing those pesky thoughts away, she continued reading. Evan? Who is Evan? The ginger vaguely remembered a guy somebody of her peers knew with a name Evan, but she couldn't quite remember who he was. Either way, she didn't like him at all. He seemed fishy and possibly EXTREMELY handsome since he is a fucking paladin in shining armor, he-

"Kim, no. STOP!" the girl's inner voice of reason spoke back to her, "It's not the right time or place to feel jealous, alright? He is a private investigator, probably he is here to HELP!" So with a sigh, she returned the piece of paper back and replied with a soft smile and a reassuring tone, "Oh, and that Evan guy sounds like a swell fellah! I- I hope he will help us all get out of here sooner than later!"

The woman leaned towards the wall with her back. She felt as the adrenaline was leaving her body and her eyelids were getting heavier each second. "Oh, fuck, not again," the girl swore inwardly. Kim was SO not ready to go to sleep, but her body spoke the opposite. So she took a short pause to gather her composure back.

"Jess," Kim spoke softly, hoping she was still there behind the wall, listening to her rambling. "I- I wanted to tell you-" She didn't know where to start. That overwhelming feeling filled her lungs once more, preventing her to speak. To breath!

No.
Just, just SAY it. This MIGHT be your last chance before-

"I am so sorry," she finally let something out with yet another sigh. "If only I invited you to stay that night, nothing would have happened, I am so- so sorry," tears started dwelling in her eyes again. If only she was just a bit more assertive, if only she wasn't a blatant idiot - they could have avoided this.  Jessica deserved none of this. Sawyer deserved none of this. Kim wished she could just hold them both tight again. Wished she could spare them from this madness. But she could only wish. Huh. Wish. What a silly little word.

Wish I had that moment back...

[Jessica Fleming]

Kim did not say anything about Russian roulette, and Jessica could not blame her. Jess was just a silent witness of this horror, and despite all her struggles and nightmares, she was not a real victim there.
But Kim was.
She was shot by her friend and if Jessica had experienced that... who knows if she could defend Geoff so easily.

When Kim told her that she was brave and she was proud of her, Jess has forgotten how to breathe for a second. She turned red, shook her head like insane but actually even though she was actually fluttered. Kim's opinion was one of the most important for her and she highly valued it. So... that was a relief. It seemed that Jess did the right choice after all.

Jessica also hoped to see Sawyer soon, alive, and safe. It would be easier for her if she was around. The girl really missed her talking and reassuring voice.

Poor Kim. Jessica did such things quite often, without realizing that she could hurt her friend. Even though Jess did not like strangers, when they were nice with her, she immediately put rose-colored glasses, telling on and on how amazing her new friends were. However, her excitement usually did not last for long.

Jessica heard Kim's sigh before she began to talk about Evan but could not understand what has caused it. Yeah, Kim sometimes did not seem to be interesting in her new friends but only when she was in a bad mood. So, Jessica probably just misheard or something. If only she could see Kim's face to say for sure!

When Kim said that she wanted to tell her something, Jess became still for a moment. It must be something important. Jessica was even happy to be mute and behind the wall - she could not screw this moment up.
But as soon as Jess heard her confession, she could not believe her ears and even knocked in a protest. It was her fault, not Kim's! She had to ask to stay for the night! Why she has not done this? It really tore Jessica's heart, to know, that Kim blames herself for her fault. It was unfair, she should not suffer like this!

Jessica took her crayon and begin to write as if she was running out of time. She had so much to tell about all of this! Hold on, Kim, here I come!

But for now, let's give two brave girls some privacy. They deserved it.

[Thread End]