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Post by Dorian F. Blund on Jul 11, 2020 22:06:45 GMT
"It's just... scary to think about. It could have been any of our loved ones..." Any of his loved ones… Anyone Dorian really cared about had already been brought here, except his beloved pet. The only other person he could potentially think of that he had some form of affinity towards was his secretary… which he would have hoped wasn’t close enough to him to get caught in any of this, but considering both his architect and real estate agent were here… anything was possible.
Was it bad he had yet to think about what he would do if his parents were brought here? It would be awful, of course, yet… he couldn’t bring himself to think of them as a priority compared to others here. Would he also connect with them if they were trapped here together, the way he had with Katherine, Noah and Hannah?
Somehow, he really, really doubted that.
"The fact that this was pre-planned makes it worse somehow. She must have been watching us for weeks, months..."“Tell me about it…” The very thought not only of being watched and spied on, but by someone he knew, for so long… it made his skin crawl. For how long had the dreadful woman been planning this? For how long had she yearned to make him pay?
"Do you think anyone else was involved? Other than Teddy, and that other woman you mentioned, would there be anyone else?"“Frankly… I don’t know. When we first got here, I assumed it must be a big group, to collect us all and carry us here, wherever we are. But we’ve only known of three captors so far, and the two we’ve heard and seen the most of are the matchmaker and the younger woman. At first I wanted to believe they were both working for someone else as pawns, but… the Asian woman is much too assertive and aggressive. She clearly has power here and is not afraid to use it.”
And oh, how much power did she have. She had made sure they knew by now, bringing and torturing more and more people in her games, then dispatching them in multiple rooms to share the horrific tales they’d lived through and witnessed to their roommates, and spread the terror like wildfire. That she wanted to prove her control over them was no mystery to anyone at this point. “I don’t know how many more people may be involved… but if there are, they’re either less important and working behind the scenes, or the actual masterminds using those we know as their puppets to keep their identities secret.”
Despite the seriousness of the conversation, Dorian smiled a little when Ethan very readily accepted his offer; apparently, it hadn’t just been just for show. The young man didn’t seem like the kind of person who made promises they didn’t intend to keep and then panicked when you demanded they follow through. Good. Of course, it raised the question of WHAT connections he had; his theory of his being an important family seemed to ring more and more true, but as curious as he was, he had a feeling if he asked him for his last name, Ethan would ask for his back, and he didn’t want to have that conversation right now.
Least of all when Ethan seemed on the verge of a breakdown.
Dorian was no expert in emotions, anyone could testify; but he was no insensitive fool. He could hear the quivering in his voice, the struggle to speak through the lump in one’s throat; and most of all, he could feel the agony of someone desperately trying not to cry when their heart was threatening to burst and let all their sorrows out; it reminded him much of him when he was younger, before he’d learned to keep everything inside and quiet, as it should be.
Yet… his words seemed to have soothed him somehow, or at the very least, brought him some form of peace. The very idea that he, Dorian Blund, could emotionally comfort anyone in need, was such a ridiculous one, he would have never believed it; yet it looked like he actually hadn’t made things worse, by some strange miracle.
"Thank you... Dorian... that... that means a lot. I suppose this place does have the tendency to create unexpected bonds... Thank you for not judging me for it. I'm not normally this... emotional."“Neither am I.” he whispered, though not so quietly that Ethan couldn’t overhear. He suspected it would come to no surprise to him that his new neighbor wasn’t the most sentimental kind in a normal setting; but there was nothing normal about this place.
It’s really taking a toll on us all, uh? Dorian looked down to his stumps; he hadn’t dared study them so thoroughly before, but now that he really paid attention, they had clearly been closed and treated so not to cause him any gangrenous injury in the future. It was… interesting, that Mrs Baker was ready to dismember them, but NOT let them get sick from it. He considered any hope of her deep down still having a semblance of conscience, but quickly discarded it: if her reaction to the freezer incident was any proof, deaths were only allowed when SHE planned them. So, no prisoner was allowed to perish of any health complications without her taking part in it. Simple as that.
Would he be feeling so crushed, so helpless, if he’d received this exact injury in the outside world? No, probably not. It would be a tragic event, but he knew that with the attention of the proper help, good doctors, he would be able to handle it much better than he was now, just as he was sure that Ethan wouldn’t be taking Huxley’s passing so personally had they not bonded in these circumstances. This place changed people; for better… or for worse. What was sure was that Dorian would never be the same after this, and he dreaded to find out what kind of man he would become.
“… I don’t think anyone here is in any condition to judge us for being emotional as long as we’re here, even someone who may have known us before.” His eyes didn’t leave his hands. If someone pitied him for his condition… would it really be so bad? Was it really something he should suffer through alone, when everyone here would be damaged in some way? “None of us will ever be the same again.”
A few seconds more passed, his mind racing faster than it had in hours, ever since he’d woken up, as if he’d finally come out of some kind of mental fog. Dorian looked up towards the wall. Was Ethan still crying, or pretending he wasn’t crying?
“… Ethan. You’re a good kid. I’ve made my mistakes with people in the past, but if I spend enough time with someone, I’m a pretty good judge of character. And Huxley had experience with all kinds of people in his life, I’m sure. I don’t think he would have thought you didn’t mean what you said, or that you weren’t being entirely genuine. I can tell you weren’t.” He paused. “But you knew him better than I. Do you think a man like him would be fooled?”
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Post by Ethan Kaul on Jul 12, 2020 22:35:33 GMT
“Frankly… I don’t know. When we first got here, I assumed it must be a big group, to collect us all and carry us here, wherever we are. But we’ve only known of three captors so far, and the two we’ve heard and seen the most of are the matchmaker and the younger woman. At first I wanted to believe they were both working for someone else as pawns, but… the Asian woman is much too assertive and aggressive. She clearly has power here and is not afraid to use it.”
"It must be scary to have actually known the woman..." Ethan frowned, thinking back to what Dorian had said, "It's terrifying being kidnapped as it is, but to actually know your captor... I can't imagine how you must feel about all this. Knowing she's a murderer..."
He trailed off, not wanting to twist the knife in any further than it already probably was. Once upon a time, Dorian would have trusted that woman, and maybe he was even grateful for her help. At least, he assumed that was how the man had felt; he hadn't mentioned any problems with her choice of wife for him. But... if she'd set him up in the first place, why was he here again? Surely she'd already found him his 'perfect match'? Unless...
He wasn't going to question whether Dorian's wife was another one of her captive victims, nor what had happened to her if she wasn't. Perhaps Dorian himself didn't know. Whatever the answer was... now was not the time. Ethan could come to his own conclusions anyway, he knew just enough about their kidnapper to know what kind of a person she was and what she could have done to his poor wife. She'd not only stalked and abducted probably over thirty people, but she'd also forced them into games, assaulting and even murdering them when they didn't comply. It wasn't a stretch to assume that this was not her first rodeo, especially considering all the evidence he and Daniel had found to the contrary. He made a mental note to bring that up later in the conversation.
Ethan sucked in a deep breath when Dorian responded with a simple "neither am I". He'd figured that one out already from his responses. If Ethan had been the one who was mutilated... well, he probably would not have stopped crying, but Dorian had shrugged it off as fixable. And yet, perhaps Dorian was more emotionally attuned than he himself realised, just from the way he'd so easily managed to calm Ethan down. His chest still felt tight, but his breathing had slowed, and he was sure that unless Dorian had any more news to deliver, he wasn't going to have a full-blown panic attack after all. That was good at least, it was a lot harder to calm down in this place than in his apartment, and panicking was never going to be doing any good for either of them.
“None of us will ever be the same again.”
He suppressed a sardonic laugh, instead only making a small noise in agreement. He certainly wasn't the same person that had gotten on his bike to ride home that fateful evening. There was already so much that was new. Certainly, the appearance of his rib-cage due to malnutrition was new, and not exactly a welcome change either, the same applying to his missing toenail. But the changes were more than physical, he'd also undergone a complete mental change as well. In the outside world, looks, a good job, status... those were the most important things to him. Ethan had spent his whole life striving to be the best, and he was well on his way, but it had come at the hefty price of a lack of meaningful connections. Now, in a twisted sort of way, being kidnapped had forced him to actually open up to people, to be willing to talk to and even befriend people who he would never normally have given a second look to. Being attractive, being a doctor... none of those mattered in a place like this (although the doctor thing was a little useful in practical ways). What mattered was how willing you were to help others, how selfless you could be, and how hard you fought to keep holding on, to keep believing that someday they would escape. Whether he'd take those values back into the outside world remained to be seen, but he could wholeheartedly agree that the old Ethan was long gone.
"No, I guess not," he sighed. He wasn't sure what else he could say, but Dorian chimed in once more, and his words made Ethan sit up and take notice.
“… Ethan. You’re a good kid. I’ve made my mistakes with people in the past, but if I spend enough time with someone, I’m a pretty good judge of character. And Huxley had experience with all kinds of people in his life, I’m sure. I don’t think he would have thought you didn’t mean what you said, or that you weren’t being entirely genuine. I can tell you weren’t. But you knew him better than I. Do you think a man like him would be fooled?”
Tears pricked in his eyes once more at how genuine Dorian's words were. He'd never have expected anything like that from him, but the man was willingly comforting him, and it was working. That... meant a lot, more than he could articulate really.
"I don't think he would," Ethan began thoughtfully, "He was a psychologist. He knew how to read people. And I think he worked out that generally I'm someone who means what I say. I think he knew that I really did care, even if I didn't really say it out loud."
He hoped he was right.
"You know," a soft smile came to his face, even despite the tears that were trailing down his cheeks, "When I saw you down in the basement, I'd have never thought you'd be here comforting me. But... I really appreciate it, Dorian... If you're anything like I am, then dealing with emotional people isn't your forte, but you've really helped. So, thank you. Seriously."
His expression of gratitude was unusually candid, but in this case, he felt like it was warranted. He hoped Dorian understood just how much his words had meant to him.
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Post by Dorian F. Blund on Jul 14, 2020 10:58:35 GMT
"It must be scary to have actually known the woman… It's terrifying being kidnapped as it is, but to actually know your captor... I can't imagine how you must feel about all this. Knowing she's a murderer..."Dorian did not answer, choosing to leave the young man to his speculations, neither confirming or denying them, his lips pressed into a fine line. Would Ethan change his words, had he known that their captor was not only somebody he knew, but was related to? Would that earn him more sympathy… or mistrust? He did not know. And he could not afford to find out.
Dorian did not wish to think more of the shock it’d been hearing HER voice in the freezer, knowing she’d been the one to put him in such a situation; he did not wish to think about what it’d been like to see her face again in the boiler room, and knowing she was most likely the one who had done… what had been done to him. How had she even known how to? Did she have any medical background at all? There must be some doctor or surgeon involved in this mess, there must be. Instead, he could focus on something else, someone else entirely. Ethan, and his own problems. Ethan, who was now starting to breathe more peacefully, despite the emotion still strong in his voice.
A psychologist? Dorian was briefly distracted from the seriousness of the situation; he wouldn’t have expected someone like Huxley to have… that kind of career. Honestly, he seemed like such a loose cannon, he would not have raised an eyebrow had he heard he was some kind of art nouveau artist, and something more… hippie; then again… his mother had told him once that only people who have issues study psychology. Issues, he did not know if the man had, but he had eccentricity to spare, and thus, he found himself actually nodding at the idea. Of course, it probably would be uncalled for to bring that up now.
“That’s fitting for him, in a way. At least with this we know he could read you enough… you don’t seem like the kind to mince your words, after all.” He hoped Ethan saw him as he meant, a factual observation, not a reprimand. He did not always like attitude, but he liked being lied to even less. Ethan seemed like the kind of person he would know what to expect from, and that gave him a certain peace.
"You know, when I saw you down in the basement, I'd have never thought you'd be here comforting me.” Dorian looked up, as always staring at the spot in the wall the voice was coming from; he’d slowly grown accustomed to these separations these past weeks, but at times like these, he truly cursed at his inability to see the person he was talking to. Nevertheless, the boy continued. “But... I really appreciate it, Dorian... If you're anything like I am, then dealing with emotional people isn't your forte, but you've really helped. So, thank you. Seriously."
“……”
Maybe Ethan not being able to see HIM was a good thing, actually.
The young man sounded so genuine, so earnest in his gratitude, that Dorian found himself feeling… flustered? No, maybe flustered was a strong word, but embarrassed surely wasn’t strong enough. Ethan was right. Dorian wouldn’t have imagined himself comforting him, or anyone, had this happened a few weeks ago. He would have simply left the situation to someone else, or, had they been alone, either told him to toughen up or tried to change the conversation. Yet here he was… consoling someone as they mourned, empathizing with their pain. Like a friend, almost like a parent.
It was… new, and unusual. But he didn’t dislike it.
“Thank you. I mean, you’re welcome.” Shit. Dorian closed his eyes for a second in frustration. What does one say in a situation like this, anyway?
His thoughts went to Cassim. The man had consoled him his fair share of times, though he’d more often than not been ignored or shrugged off; accepting being comforted for something meant admitting he had something he wanted to be comforted for, and that wasn’t the kind of weakness he could really afford. Now that it was too late, Dorian wished he would have reciprocated his affections the way he deserved, but there was no changing the past. So, how could he try to apply that to the here and now?
“I suppose I’m not what first comes to people’s mind when they think of an emotional person, no.” he tried to deflect the compliment with a light-hearted joke; he really wasn’t quite ready to just accept them head-on yet. “But… I’m glad I could help.” He paused for a moment, his lips pressing further together as he considered whether to speak the rest of his thoughts out loud. “… I know what it’s like to lose someone you cared about… and someone you wish you had been more open to show your affection to. I know it hurts to think they may not have known… but I want to believe they do.”
Could he really expect them to? Someone could think the world of him right now, and Dorian would be none the wiser; even if they told him to his face, he would still doubt them, because it was in his nature to always expect the worse, the twist, the catch. But unlike him, and perhaps Ethan, Cassim hadn’t been emotionally stunted, and neither was Huxley. They’d picked up the slack for them, and now they were gone, but they had loved and been loved in their own ways.
“… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make this about me.” Dorian apologized, to both Ethan and himself; he was here to regain his self-esteem and forget about his own sorrows, wasn’t he? He couldn’t relapse now when things were going so well. “I just hope you don’t blame yourself. I’m sure Huxley knew you cared.”
Because he wasn’t like us.
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Post by Ethan Kaul on Jul 15, 2020 0:56:11 GMT
Dorian didn’t respond to his musings, and Ethan hadn’t expected him to either. It was more of a ‘thinking out loud’ situation rather than any sort of comfort, and he was certain that nothing he’d said had made the man feel better in any way. Presumably he’d trusted the women, cared about her even. Ethan couldn’t hold that against him, he hadn’t known. A fat Asian woman wasn’t exactly who he’d imagined to be their villainous captor, after all, so it made sense why Dorian wouldn’t have put two and two together either.
Instead, he focused on Huxley. His tears were drying on his cheeks, but the ache in his stomach remained. He wasn’t sure it would ever leave. It was the same emptiness he’d felt when he’d lost his grandparents, but at least then he’d seen it coming, seen them deteriorate in health until it seemed almost right that their suffering should end. Huxley… he wasn’t like that. He was so full of life that sometimes even a fit young man like Ethan couldn’t keep up with him, and his death had been so… sudden. Ethan wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to accept that he was gone, or even really process it.
“That’s fitting for him, in a way. At least with this we know he could read you enough… you don’t seem like the kind to mince your words, after all.”
A small smile came to his face. Dorian was right about that, Ethan wasn’t usually the sort of person to say things he didn’t mean. It was comforting for him that Huxley was probably astute enough to realise that about him, and that he’d known that he really did care.
Along with the ache came nerves when he expressed his gratitude towards the man for how unexpectedly kind and helpful he’d been. It was a normal feeling for Ethan, but one he hadn’t felt in a long time, one that was usually reserved for his parents or college professors. It stemmed from the desperate need to impress them, to be seen as capable and good and… well, perfect. The fact that Dorian was stirring up those feelings within him… it was certainly strange, but unsurprising given that Dorian was clearly somehow a person of importance. His offer for when they escaped had apparently cemented him in Ethan’s mind as an authority figure, someone to look up to. He wanted to impress him.
“Thank you. I mean, you’re welcome.”
Ethan chose to ignore that small verbal blunder, knowing that he’d want Dorian to do the same for him, but it did make him feel secretly a little pleased that his words had touched him in some way.
“I suppose I’m not what first comes to people’s mind when they think of an emotional person, no,” the man continued, and Ethan found himself nodding along. He was the exact same; while he expected to deal with his fair share of emotions in his career, it left him drained, and outside of work he wasn’t known to be a comforting person. Hell, when the woman who he’d expected to marry had broken up with him, he’d just stared at her numbly, not knowing what to do as she broke down crying. That was his downfall, really, that he wasn’t entirely in tune with people’s feelings. He hadn’t even realised there was a problem until she’d ended it.
In this place however? He’d been forced to readjust, doing his best to comfort anyone who needed it, and sometimes even being comforted himself. In the basement, he’d been a hero (not that he’d bragged about it, surprisingly), but after that? His façade had been broken, kicked in by none other than Huxley Weisenbachfeld. That man really did have the psychologist’s touch. It hadn’t taken much to get Ethan to open up about his whole life story, after all, and it had caused him to keep spilling his guts to anyone who would listen. As he’d said to Freya, something about this prison…well, it made people see beyond every wall he’d spent years carefully building up, every mask he’d chosen to wear. And while it was a refreshing change… he wasn’t exactly sure it was a good one just yet.
“… I know what it’s like to lose someone you cared about… and someone you wish you had been more open to show your affection to. I know it hurts to think they may not have known… but I want to believe they do.”
He was tempted to ask who Dorian was talking about, but he sensed that he already knew. He couldn’t recall whether either Katherine or Dorian had mentioned the man being close to either Cassim or Della, but… it made sense that he at the very least had known one of them. Ethan felt bad in that moment; he hadn’t been much of a comfort for Dorian, and yet the man had worked so hard to help him feel better.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, tracing the band around his wrist with his finger, “Life really does suck, doesn’t it?”
That was an understatement, but he assumed that Dorian would understand what he meant by it. And… well, he wasn’t exactly wrong. Life really did fucking suck for them in that hellhole.
“… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make this about me. I just hope you don’t blame yourself. I’m sure Huxley knew you cared.”
“It’s okay. I don’t mind, honestly…” He didn’t. It was kind of draining talking about his problems all the time, when there were clearly bigger issues occurring. However, it was the second half of Dorian’s statement that really caught his attention. Did he blame himself for what happened? Well, no, not really. He hadn’t been there, he hadn’t even known that it was happening. There was no way he could be blamed for Huxley’s death. And yet… just that statement betrayed to him Dorian’s concerns about the games he’d been in. Did Dorian blame himself for what had happened?
“I don’t blame myself. Really, it’s the fault of that woman, not any of ours…”
He sighed softly, “I mean, I have… been feeling a lot of guilt over what happened in the game I was in. All the things I could have done just keep going through my mind. I wish I’d done more. I should have been the one to blind myself, I could have saved David and been able to take care of Sawyer… But… I’m working through that guilt, and after thinking about it… I’m realising that none of us are to blame. At the end of the day, we’re all just fighting to stay alive in this hellhole. So… what I’m trying to say is… I hope you don’t blame yourself for what happened in any game you were in either. Whether you could have stopped it or not, none of it was your fault. Everything bad that happens here is her fault, not any of ours.”
Ethan released a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding, a nervous chuckle escaping his lips, "Sorry, I know that was pretty emotional. Past me would have hated that speech so much."
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Post by Dorian F. Blund on Jul 16, 2020 23:56:56 GMT
“I’m sorry. Life really does suck, doesn’t it?”“More so than expected, yes.” Dorian mused, his tone neutral. His biggest worry had been living a life he did not want, stuck with a job he excelled at but had little to no passion for, enjoying his limited free time as his only chance to engage in any activity he genuinely enjoyed. This was the unsatisfied destiny of millions of workers; he simply had more responsibilities and more money than them. He could deal with such unhappiness. But the kind that had met him here was beyond anything he could imagine.
“It’s okay. I don’t mind, honestly…” He looked up curiously. Ethan had seemed receptive to his intentions until now, but was he secretly embarrassed by all the attention he was receiving? If he was anything like him – which seemed to be the case – then he could easily see why, and the hint of an amused smile touched his lips.
“I don’t blame myself. Really, it’s the fault of that woman, not any of ours…”The smile left his features as soon as it’d appeared. The sentiment was good; he did not wish for Ethan to blame himself for anything that was beyond his control and comprehension. It was the use of pronouns, “ours” instead of “mine”, that gave him pause. What was he implying? Did he believe that Dorian blamed himself as well? Of course he wasn’t wrong, but…
“I mean, I have… been feeling a lot of guilt over what happened in the game I was in. All the things I could have done just keep going through my mind. I wish I’d done more. I should have been the one to blind myself, I could have saved David and been able to take care of Sawyer…”“I know.” Dorian muttered. What the man had been thinking, of course, he could not know without being told; how he had been feeling, however, he could only relate to. All of these guilts, he’d felt them himself, still did to this day, divided between reasonably putting all of the blame on the real perpetrator behind everything, Mrs Baker; and condemning himself for possibly being the link that had led some or many people here, as well as Cassim and Della’s demise. Even when he told himself that his actions would have changed nothing – Cassim had already chosen to stay, Della wouldn’t have let him take her away, they would refuse to be separated – a small voice at the back of his mind refused to let him sleep peacefully, retelling him without fault every night all that he could have done but never did.
“But…” Ethan’s words came in once more, interrupting his grim thoughts to bring a spark of renewed hope. “I’m working through that guilt, and after thinking about it… I’m realising that none of us are to blame. At the end of the day, we’re all just fighting to stay alive in this hellhole. So… what I’m trying to say is… I hope you don’t blame yourself for what happened in any game you were in either. Whether you could have stopped it or not, none of it was your fault. Everything bad that happens here is her fault, not any of ours.”
The boy was right, Dorian knew it deep down; yet, a particular phrasing caught his attention, “whether you could have stopped it or not”. He’d spent so long wondering what he could have done to change the outcomes, he’d never stopped to think whether that would matter. But… it had to, didn’t it? All his life, he’d been told this repeatedly; choose your course of actions well, for its consequences will chase you all your life. No decision is too small, no evaluation to be made too hastily. Everything you do and say matters, always, so be mindful of all that you partake in at any time.
Yet… now, Ethan was telling him the opposite. That his actions, whatever he may have done differently, wouldn’t have changed his culpability. After all, whether he lived or died, wouldn’t Mrs Baker still have exactly what she wanted? Wouldn’t she continue to kill and torture mercilessly even after he was long gone, unable to see any of her evil deeds? This wasn’t how one was supposed to think leading a company; but this wasn’t a company, it was a prison. Maybe this had been his primary mistake all this time; attempting to see all of this as a business deal to try and find the most valuable result, because it was what he was comfortable with. But you couldn’t bargain with serial killers, that much he’d realized by now. Perhaps, he’d been viewing all of this all wrong.
This wasn’t business. This was survival.
"Sorry,” hindered Ethan’s voice, once again giving halt to his inner deliberating. “I know that was pretty emotional. Past me would have hated that speech so much."“You know, I think I would have too. I would have asked you to leave and come back when you’d calmed down.” Dorian teased, smiling tenuously once again. He may have been worried to say such a thing before, but he had a feeling Ethan would get what he was coming from and not be offended. “But… I know where you are coming from… … I think I needed to hear that.”
Dorian looked down at himself once again. He’d come here seeking an outlet for his need for superiority, someone to impress and lead; and in part he had succeeded, but he couldn’t fool the training doctor entirely. Perhaps he’d gotten something more valuable out of it. Something he could actually use in the future. A new outlook. A new plan.
“… You know, I can’t quite figure out whether I would have liked you or abhorred you if we’d met before all this.” Confessed Dorian, the words coming out rather naturally despite their confidential nature. He seemed more prone to speaking his mind than ever before these days. “On the one hand, you’re the kind of person I usually prefer to work with; on the other, I feel like you remind me so much of myself I would have wanted you out of my sight.”
The man chuckled to himself lightly; it was such a ridiculous thought, and before any of this, he would have never admitted it under torture. But now, he could see himself doing just that, sending away or rejecting any new employee, particularly youth, that threatened to make him reconsider himself and his inner turmoil; something told him he may have done so already in the past, always justifying it to himself under false pretenses.
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Post by Ethan Kaul on Jul 17, 2020 18:43:53 GMT
“You know, I think I would have too. I would have asked you to leave and come back when you’d calmed down.”
Ethan blinked, almost confused at the teasing tone of Dorian’s voice. He certainly hadn’t expected that from the man, especially when their conversation wasn’t exactly about one of the most fun topics in the world. Still, it brought a smile to his face. The two men were more alike than either of them had initially realised; although Ethan wouldn’t have been so bold as to send someone away for displaying emotions, he certainly would have had the same thought as Dorian did. It was nice to have someone who understood him, who understood what it was like to repress emotions and baulked at the idea of showing them or comforting others.
“But… I know where you are coming from… … I think I needed to hear that.”
The smile only grew wider, a small chuckle escaping his lips, “You know, I think I needed to hear myself say it too. I’m glad it helped.”
It felt good to finally feel like he was able to forgive himself for everything that had happened after spending so long wrapped up in ‘what if’s’ and ‘maybes’. Forgiveness certainly wouldn’t be able to bring David’s eyesight, Sawyer’s hair, his toenail, or any of their sanity back, but neither would wallowing in his own guilt, and one of those options certainly felt better than the other. It was just one step on the road to possible healing, to maybe being someone close to who he was at the start. Calm, in control, a leader. And, even if not… he was still heading in the right direction.
“… You know, I can’t quite figure out whether I would have liked you or abhorred you if we’d met before all this.”
The statement came as a surprise, but honestly it didn’t offend Ethan in the slightest. He'd actually wondered the same thing: would he and Dorian have gotten along so well in the outside world? Admittedly, a lot of his admiration of Dorian came from the fact that he’d displayed natural leadership skills in the basement, whilst also being able to show a more vulnerable side when he’d decided to trust Ethan. Still, if they had met under different circumstances, he was sure the man would have reminded him too much of himself. Too much of his father, actually, who Ethan was more and more afraid of turning into every day. And yet, after talking to him this intimately, he knew that Dorian wasn’t like his father at all. He was much, much better, and he was happy that he was able to see this side of the man. It only made him look up to him more.
“On the one hand, you’re the kind of person I usually prefer to work with; on the other, I feel like you remind me so much of myself I would have wanted you out of my sight.”
Dorian’s words echoed his own thoughts. Both of them had recognised their similarities with each other, and recognised that it could have driven them apart had they met under different circumstances. But in a place like this, it had actually brought them together, and for that Ethan was glad.
“Honestly, I’ve been wondering the same thing. I would have probably thought you were a bit arrogant, but then again, people call me that too,” he laughed softly, “I guess we’re pretty similar in a lot of ways. I don’t know whether that’s a good or bad thing, but it doesn’t make me admire you any less, so probably good.”
He shrugged to himself. It was a bold admission, but he didn’t regret making it. He really did look up to Dorian, after all, he man had strength even when he had been mutilated by a woman he’d trusted. They were similar people in a lot of ways, but Ethan wasn’t sure that he could be that strong if he were faced with the same situation.
“Hopefully when we get out of here and I take you up on your offer, you won’t hate working with me,” he smiled to himself once more, “I’m kind of a non-stop sort of worker, so at least you know I’m efficient.”
Although, he wasn’t so sure he would be the same way once he was out. For one, any sort of impairment that their kidnapper decided to inflict upon him could end up slowing him down, but also he was more sure than ever that he didn’t want to spend his whole life buried under books anymore. Of course he wanted his career, but he didn’t want it to cost him his life. He wanted to go on nights out (preferably with Freya, having seen how hard she could party). He wanted to get those drum lessons from Russel. He wanted to see Evan and David, his two bros, again, in a much better setting. He wanted to go rock climbing with Sawyer, knowing how much she enjoyed it. And, yes, he wanted to go get a coffee with Dorian and just… chill. So… while he would work hard to not only get his job back, but to also get justice for all of his fellow captors alongside Dorian, Ethan decided that he wasn’t going to let it consume him. Not anymore.
“…Do you drink coffee?”
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Post by Dorian F. Blund on Jul 18, 2020 1:01:31 GMT
“You know, I think I needed to hear myself say it too. I’m glad it helped.” The boy replied with a carefree chuckle, and Dorian’s lips turned into a small smile. It felt good to know that he was getting as much out of their interaction as he was… and that he needed the same kind of comfort and reminders. It made Dorian feel less useless.
“Honestly, I’ve been wondering the same thing. I would have probably thought you were a bit arrogant, but then again, people call me that too,” At the start of his confession, Dorian had raised an inquisitive eyebrow, curious to know that the other man had been thinking the same as him and what his pondering had led him to; yet, the end of the sentence forced a small chuckle out of him.
“I suppose I’ve been called such, directly or indirectly, a significant amount of times, yes. In my defense, I never had so much to be humble about.” He joked… or maybe not. This place had made him reconsider himself a lot, but in the past, when it came to his company and his lifestyle, he’d had more to be praised for than criticized for. Ethan had quite the guts to call him out like that so openly; in any other situation, Dorian would not have allowed it, not without either a reprimand or disdain, yet now, he did not mind it. Was he growing too soft, giving Ethan too much leeway to act with him as he pleased? Maybe it was so, but somehow, it didn’t feel too wrong. “I guess we’re pretty similar in a lot of ways.” Continued Ethan, ignorant of the older man’s inner musings. “I don’t know whether that’s a good or bad thing, but it doesn’t make me admire you any less, so probably good.”
Dorian’s mood briefly returned from amused to serious once more. Ethan… admired him? That… that didn’t seem right. Sure, they got along alright, but… while Dorian had been aiming for a way to feel superior and in control again through this conversation, and even if he might have partially succeeded in being someone Ethan could rely on when in need, he had also failed repeatedly by letting his emotions overtake him, shedding tears at the first genuine good news he’d been given and allowing Ethan to treat him like an equal rather than someone to look up to. Yet, somehow, the result had been for Ethan to… do just that, anyway? Despite him not imposing himself at every step as an impassible leader?
He remained quiet for a few seconds, unsure what to say. He wasn’t a fool; he knew being more open and sympathetic to people, in theory, made them like you more, and want to be there for you more as well. It was entirely impractical for him, but he knew. What it wasn’t supposed to do, as far as he was aware, was make them see you as someone to admire rather than someone in need of protection. Was Ethan doing this wrong? Or… had he been fairly mistaken for a very long time?
“… sometimes, people whose personalities are too similar will clash.” He mouthed carefully. He knew this to be a truth; ‘birds of a feather flock together’, they said, but it wasn’t always true, especially when the other person displayed not only all your good points, but also all your flaws, mirroring back at you a disagreeable image of yourself that was better left ignored. “… I’m glad it wasn’t the case for us, even if in such dire circumstances… … you’re a rather admirable young man as well.”
Well, it wasn’t quite the same as ‘I admire you’, but it was getting there. Dorian was starting to feel a bit flustered, and, honestly, humbled by the boy’s attention, and was finding it hard to word himself.
“Hopefully when we get out of here and I take you up on your offer, you won’t hate working with me,” Ethan followed through, and Dorian swore he could hear him smile through his words. Was he really so happy just speaking to him now? when this conversation had started, he hadn’t even seemed to want to answer him at all… “I’m kind of a non-stop sort of worker, so at least you know I’m efficient.”
“That’s usually what I look for in a worker, so we’re starting off well. As for your efficiency, I’ll be the judge of that.” He hoped for his tone to come off as what he meant; a playful nudge, a challenge perhaps. Ethan was talking a lot about his abilities and desire to be useful; he hoped that when the time came, he wouldn’t be a quitter. But the boy’s genuine attitude told him that it was not the case, and that he could hope for something great from him. If he was still capable of working at all by then, that is.
“But before then, I think we’ll both need some time off and some rest…” Dorian muttered. First things first, he would need doctors to see his hands and tell him what they could do, if anything even COULD still be done by then. No matter the price, he wanted to be functional again as soon as possible, must that push back his work for a few days just to be checked in. Surely he could be allowed that much.
“…Do you drink coffee?”The question interrupted his pondering rather harshly; not only due to its timing, but its topic as well. It was so drastically different from anything they’d spoken of before then… and Ethan hadn’t seemed uneasy until now, so surely it wasn’t just to avoid an uncomfortable conversation, was it?
“… Yes? I rather favor it.” Dorian answered, each of his words expressing just how dumbfounded he felt. “… why do you ask?”
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Post by Ethan Kaul on Jul 19, 2020 0:31:46 GMT
“I suppose I’ve been called such, directly or indirectly, a significant amount of times, yes. In my defense, I never had so much to be humble about,” the man joked, and Ethan found himself raising an eyebrow at the almost-confession. He supposed that in a way, Dorian was right; he was the literal definition of tall, dark, and handsome. But there was also the implication that perhaps his attraction went beyond his looks and included his bank account too... which would explain his earlier statement about being able to replace whatever damage had been done to him. Ethan wondered what that must be like, to be so rich that he wouldn't even have to worry about mutilation because he could just buy himself a new limb. Admittedly, his parents were fairly well-off, but not that rich. Just enough to fund him through med school, but he'd still held down a job in college to pay for the essentials, and he'd lived in dorms and shared accommodation like any other student. Whatever he was going to get into by taking Dorian up on his offer... well, hopefully it paid well at least.
"I kinda get that," he shrugged. Honestly, any arrogance he had displayed was never without reason, and was all just a part of fooling the world into thinking that he was the full package: attractive, intelligent, well rounded... He didn't mind any comments about it, knowing that they just stemmed from jealousy anyway.
There was a long pause after his words, and it made Ethan's stomach twist with nerves. Had he said something wrong? Was Dorian freaked out by him admitting that, even though their time conversing had been short, he'd quickly grown to see him as somebody to look up to? He supposed it did place a lot of pressure on the man's shoulders, but that was unintentional. Dorian didn't need to be perfect for him to admire him, and all Ethan had intended to do was assure him that no matter what had happened to him, it didn't make him any less great.
Finally, he replied, and Ethan released the deep breath he had been holding.
“… sometimes, people whose personalities are too similar will clash.” Well, yes, that was true in a lot of ways. Ethan was sure that if he had to deal with someone who was exactly like him he would hate them. His stubborn, competitive, emotionally reserved nature was sure to grate on anyone eventually, after all. Still, even though Dorian had proved himself to be strangely alike to the younger man, he wasn't actually bothered by it. In fact, it only made him like him more, as it was nice having someone who understood him in that way.
“… I’m glad it wasn’t the case for us, even if in such dire circumstances… … you’re a rather admirable young man as well.”
Oh. Well. He hadn't been expecting that for sure, and it made his lips curl up into a bright smile, one that was bigger than any he'd managed to do since the game. Dorian found him admirable. That... felt really good, coming from a man like him. More than that, it felt genuine. So often Ethan was used to receiving compliments, but they were usually expected. Dorian didn't seem like the sort of man to throw around praise like that often, and that made it more special to him, made him want to impress him even more.
"Thank you," he managed to say, the smile not leaving his lips.
“That’s usually what I look for in a worker, so we’re starting off well. As for your efficiency, I’ll be the judge of that.”
He laughed quietly at that. Even though he wanted to relax a little bit more when he got out, his work ethic was undeniable. Especially when it was for such a good cause. His fellow victims deserved justice, and he was determined to deliver as much as he could, using whatever contacts he could find. He'd have to actually talk to his parents... but it would all be worth it in the end, he hoped anyway.
"I won't let you down," Ethan promised, his sincerity evident in his voice even though he knew that Dorian had been joking. Somehow the man believed in him enough already to offer that responsibility, so surely he had faith in his ability to be efficient. He was glad he'd managed to portray himself as trustworthy, and he intended upon keeping that trust.
Dorian's quiet words about needing some time off definitely resonated with Ethan. He was certainly planning on it; there was no way he'd be readmitted into medical school straight away, and perhaps that was a good thing. He could get his mental health in check, something which he could now admit to himself that he should have done years ago, before it got this bad. And then, whilst he waited for the new school year to roll around, he could maybe do some travelling, go on a vacation, something to relax...
His cheeks flushed once he realised that the coffee question had actually come out of his mouth. Oh god, well, that was embarrassing. Was Dorian going to think he was asking him out now? Because, as handsome as the man was... he just couldn't see him like that.
“… Yes? I rather favor it.… why do you ask?”
"Oh, uh..." he scratched the back of his neck, glad that Dorian couldn't see the crimson blush that was colouring his cheeks, "Well, I know you probably have a PA for those sorts of things, but I don't mind stopping off at Starbucks before one of our meetings and getting you one?"
Nice save Kaul.
"It was a stupid question, sorry. Just popped into my head."
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Post by Dorian F. Blund on Jul 19, 2020 20:37:46 GMT
"Thank you."The response came shortly, and Dorian could once again hear a smile in his voice; a more genuine, perhaps more belated one than before. Did he really appreciate his clumsy attempt at a compliment so much? For as much as he tried to make memory, he could not remember any of his employees ever reacting that way to praise; not even Sybil, and she always took it to heart.
"I won't let you down.” He continued, and this time he smiled along with him. Seems like he’d taken his challenge; now Dorian was actually curious to see him at work. “I’ll be looking forward to it.” He pledged, and he could feel in himself that he actually, truly meant it. He did hope for that day to come, not only because they would be free, but for the experience itself.
As soon as he asked him his question, he could feel Ethan tense. Had he said something wrong? He was the one to bring up the subject of coffee in the first place, surely he did not mind? "Well, I know you probably have a PA for those sorts of things, but I don't mind stopping off at Starbucks before one of our meetings and getting you one?"
“…”
So… he was just asking him out for coffee then? … as friends? Or well, as… “colleagues”? Outside of the office? And apparently was very embarrassed about it? Dorian frowned, not in displeasure, but in confused thought. He’d expected their meeting to be purely focused on their work, but Ethan seemed to be implying he wanted to… drink coffee with him? Just for the sake of it?
"It was a stupid question, sorry. Just popped into my head."Oh yes, he was definitely flustered, even he could tell. The very idea of it made him uneasy. It was… probably much too sudden and too intimate for him, but he didn’t want Ethan to be awkward around him now.
“It’s alright.” He quickly reassured him. Frankly, he still thought it was a bit weird, but he had a feeling it was more due to his own inadequacy than the proposition itself. But what was he supposed to do then, say yes? Or politely decline? “… I’ve never had Starbucks. I get my coffee hand brewed.” He confessed. That truly didn’t solve anything though; nice way to gain some time. “… I suppose I wouldn’t mind trying it?”
… that couldn’t be so bad, to sit down with him and… just drink before working, right? Despite trying to convince himself it wasn’t, Dorian felt weirdly abashed, but decided to force himself to get over it; damn it, it was just coffee, not the end of the world. If he could survive a murder house, he could survive private human interaction.
“If you’d like to, that is. After all, if I’m going to overwork you for free, I might as well buy you an energized drink.” he joked, trying to deflect his own embarrassment.
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Post by Ethan Kaul on Jul 19, 2020 21:06:20 GMT
“I’ll be looking forward to it.”
Oh, Dorian was definitely challenging him, but Ethan was all too ready to rise to that challenge. He knew that, theoretically at least, he could impress most people with both his skills and his contacts, but Dorian wasn't just some average man. He was for sure more important than he himself was letting on, and it left Ethan wishing that he paid more attention to more celebrity or perhaps business-based news so that he would know for sure what kind of power this man wielded. Still, the prospect of helping him out was an inviting one no matter how well known or well paid he was, and it was something to look forward to. It gave him even more incentive to get the fuck out of that hellhole, not that he didn't already have enough.
The man was once more quiet at Ethan's bungled excuse as to why he was asking about his coffee habits, and it made him regret his impulsive question even more. Still... perhaps he was just thinking it over. It was a pretty random thing to bring up, after all, considering the mostly depressing tone of the rest of their interaction.
“It’s alright.”
The reassurance came as a welcome relief, and Ethan let out a soft breath. Well, good, at least he wasn't freaked out, unless he was just doing a very good job at disguising it. Dorian hadn't really displayed too much emotion, other than when he was talking about Katherine of course, so it was a little bit difficult for Ethan to ascertain how exactly he was feeling.
“… I’ve never had Starbucks. I get my coffee hand brewed… I suppose I wouldn’t mind trying it?”
"Well, says a lot about me that I thought Starbucks was the most middle class coffee option out there, huh?" he chuckled in response, although he sensed that Dorian's financial position was a little above middle class if he'd only had hand brewed coffee of all things. Clearly the guy was filthy rich just from the few remarks he'd made, maybe he liked to sprinkle little flecks of gold into his drinks too. Ethan stifled a laugh at that thought, instead focusing on Dorian's proposal to at least try his poor person coffee.
"I'm sure we can sort it out when the time comes," he added on, not wanting to push the idea, "But I'll definitely take you up on that energy drink offer."
It was probably a silly notion anyway, that Dorian would want to have coffee with him. Ethan was, after all, going to be a sort of employee to him, and not a friend. Still... he did feel like he'd gained a sort of friend from their chat, as semi-formal as it had been, or at least a friendly acquaintance. He hoped the older man viewed him in the same way.
Just as he was about to divert the conversation away from coffee and energy drinks, the door to the bathroom creaked open and Ethan turned to the woman with a smile, before looking back at the wall.
"I should probably go," he said quietly, even though he didn't want their conversation to end, "I hope we can talk again Dorian. I've really enjoyed our conversation..."
He really had. It had been good to get to know the man on a more personal, intimate level, and he was thankful that on some level at least, Dorian had seemed to enjoy it too.
"I hope things get better for you in here... I'll see you soon Dorian."
That was a promise he certainly intended to keep, just like the promise he'd made Sawyer all those weeks ago. He and Dorian would get to work together someday, and he'd definitely have to introduce the man to the wonders of Starbucks (and maybe even a McDonalds, if he was up for it). With that, he turned away from the wall, getting up and stretching his limbs. Now that the bathroom was free... he was absolutely in need of a shower.
[End of thread]
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